


He Isn't Good Enough

by Moldy_Bread



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Depressed Jeremy Heere, Reasonable Michael Mell, brief mention of stagedorks, it can be assumed what happens but i didn't want to make it too triggering, it shows i think, so i wrote this in a depression rut, uh. - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28079250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moldy_Bread/pseuds/Moldy_Bread
Summary: Jeremy is sure that he shouldn't do this, he's a ticking time bomb, but he might as well say it now...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	He Isn't Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is not at all connected to To Come to This, I wrote this while in a huge depression rut, I'm sure that you can tell. I hope you like it.

Jeremy had another miserable day, same as the last. School was all fine and good, whatever, but again, same as always. Failing classes, talking during lunch and then walking home by himself at 2:30. 

He didn't have the motivation to do homework, he was always tired, he couldn't even look forward to jerking off, it doesn't matter how long it's been, whenever he tries he feels those phantom shocks run down his spine. And that's not even mentioning the fucking scars he had from those. Near the end it had gotten so bad that they went down his arms and even onto his hands a bit. 

He was only thinking about them because he was sitting at his desk, desperately trying to concentrate on homework, when his ADHD got the best of him and he zoned out looking at the backs of his hands. Even if he got along with the popular kids without his...without it now, he was the freak of the school, along with Rich, who's scars were even worse. At least Rich was confident about it, at least he was cool about the questions people had. Whenever 

Jeremy even heard talk of one of those things around him, he just wanted to--

“Okay! I think that's enough studying for now." He cut off his thoughts and quickly rushed downstairs to go busy his brain with something in his game room. 

He wishes things were different, he wishes things worked out with Christine, but after a while of awkward affection and talking about the future, he realized he had more admiration for her than romantic feelings, so he cut things off. And as much as he wanted to hang out with Michael, it felt awkward and forced and most of the time they made excuses to avoid each other and the inevitable conversation that had to happen. 

Michael. His mind echoes the name. Because he realized a couple months after everything that he had a crush on Michael, or at least he thought he did. Maybe it was his feelings mixing up romance and platonic affection, but when he was around Michael, he wanted to get closer and hold him and _be held_ by him... And a lot of other stuff he would blame on hormones rather than himself. 

Of course he could tell Michael, but he wasn't ready for the

rejection, his mind was already shattered, he was like a ticking time bomb now, even the smallest thing these days made him want to curl up and die. Hell, he's had panic attacks over literal spilled milk, and it doesn't help that they've been getting worse. 

Sure, he should go to a therapist, and be told he has anxiety and ADHD for the umpteenth time, but it isn't like he's going to trust himself with Adderall and anxiety meds, especially not right now, nor would his dad. Jeremy sighs, turning on his DS to be greeted with Phantom Hourglass, he can't hold back the small smile when he meets Toon Link's eyes, and starts up the game. 

Oh lord, what is he doing? Is he insane? He stared down at his phone screen, his texts with Michael up. He knew he would never have the courage to do this in person, hell, he wonders where the courage to do it over text came from. But his fingers work quickly and type out a message he never thought he would be sending: **Hey, Mike, I need to ask you something.**

Michael takes what feels like an eternity to respond, but is realistically like two minutes. **Ok, what's up?**

I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime...? I've liked you for a while... 

**_Michael is typing..._ **

**_Michael is typing_ _..._ **

**_stops_ **

**_Michael is typing.._ ** _._

Oh no, Jeremy knows what's coming, he knows what Michael's going to sa _y_ _._ _Ew,_ _I'll n_ _ever go out_ _with_ _a_ _freak like you_ _._ _You'_ _re_ _fucking disgusting_ _,_ _you really thing I'd be attracted to something like you_ _?_

**Jer... I like you too, I like you a lot, I have for a while. But I really don't think now is the best time for us to be in a relationship, my anxiety is really bad, you're still dealing with all the stuff from the squip... it wouldn't be healthy.**

Jeremy couldn't even see the screen anymore, so in his head that he can't think straight, can't think anything except _he hates me_ _._

**_He hates me_ _._ **

**_He hates me_ _._ **

**_He hates me_ _._ **

**_T_ _h_ _ey hate me_ _._ **

**_They all wish I was--_ **

Michael waits...and waits... All he can see is that Jeremy has read his message, is he okay? He probably hurt him...maybe he should call? He's going to call. 

**_Ringing..._ **

**_Ringing..._ **

**_Ringing..._ **

**_Ringing._** _**..** _

_"Hey, it's_ _—_ _it's Jeremy._ _.._ _! I can't come to the phone right now, so just leave a text and I'll ge_ _t ba_ _ck to you later. Uh..._ _y_ _eah! Bye...!_ _"_ _*_ _Beeeep*_

Michael hung up. He sent message after message after call after message. All left on read, all gone to voicemail for ten minutes, until they aren't. Until he doesn't see that little _read_ under all of his messages. God, he's so-- he thought he was being reasonable, Jeremy didn't know how badly he wanted to say yes , but he certainly knew better. Maybe he can corner him at school tomorrow _..._

...Except, he isn't here. Was it really that bad for him? He guessed he could stop by Jer's place during lunch. He just hoped he was alright... 


End file.
